4 years

Dear Mom,
It's been 4 years since you died.  We still think about you all the time.  Gracie and I talked about you the other day.  She was asking me questions about you that brought back great memories.

We talked about the day she was born and when you got to first see her.  You and Terry were pushing each other into the room to see if it was a boy or a girl.  I remember your face when you held her for the first time.  You were like a goofy lady seeing the most precious thing for the first time ever!  Grace held your gaze steady for awhile and you were forever slave to her and whatever her needs were. 

On her 4 week old birthday, you and Pop Pop called to sing her happy birthday.  And although I was still struggling with nasty post-partum depression, that brought a little smile to my face.

One time you were driving with her and you were speeding and got pulled over.  You used her as your excuse!!  I'm just a grandma!  The cop didn't even give you a ticket.

You wallpapered her room without our help.  You just went ahead and did it all by yourself.   You only wanted perfect for Grace.

The awesome baby shower you held for me.  That was fun!  Stacey made us all write cards to Grace so that she could open them on each consecutive birthday.  I don't know what birthday year you are but we haven't opened yours yet in the first six years.  I'm sure when we do get to your year it will be a bitter sweet moment.

So many more memories that were horribly cut short by the brain bleed.   I can think there's only a reason you are already in Heaven waiting for us and we're still down here without you.  We will be honoring you at the 4th annual Fondue dinner in memorium of Audrey Gerlach, next Saturday.  We will be doing a lot of thinking about you that day.   .   .  sadly I don't think it will make up for the amount of time we don't think of you now that life has gotten back to normal since you died.


I love you mom.  I miss you.  Some days it feels like my stomach is twisting into a little ball and I can't catch my breath when I think about not being able to talk to you or see you again.   We will never stop thinking about you  and your wonderful, quirky being.

Love,
Lori

Thankful

Here are some things that I am thankful for:

Not in any particular order of course.

1) Being healthy
2) Having a husband who loves me
3) Two beautiful girls who are amazing and make me love being a mom
4) A family that is awesome
5) Living all over the world with my awesome family
6) Having an amazing father who has always pushed me to try harder and laughs at my jokes even though they are inappropriate and/or untimely
7) The ability to use humor in situations (sometimes inappropriately)
8) Having amazing co-workers who support me and don't judge me
9) Working next to an amazing teacher who has taught me numerous ways to be a better teacher and has kept me level headed when I've become fired up
10) A beautiful home that my husband built for us with his own blood, sweat, and tears
11) A yellow kitchen
12) A clean living room floor
13) A car with heat, new wiper blades, and brand new tires
14) Harry Potter 7.1
15) Harry Potter
16) Hagrid
17) Dobby
18) A classroom full of students who are diverse in not only culture but learning as well
19) A job that is more of a vocation
20) Friends
21) Long Term friends
22) Susan Garlitz Richardson
23) The internet
24) Frontierville
25) Books about The Tudors
26) Donny Osmond
27) God

So many more that I can't write more.  Since I'm rambling, maybe I'll continue this list on my next post.

Alexander

I feel like Alexander from Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible,  No Good, Very Bad Day, by Judith Viorst.

I think I'll move to Australia.

Meh.

Cold, hard floor

This is another year wherein I am not thrilled to go back to school.  I'm trying to be positive about it and make myself get to the happy place that I have had prior to these last two school years beginning, but I can't get there. 

I'm so tired of the crap that teachers are dealt.  I don't even know what I'm trying to say here.  I'll tell you a ltitle story.

Last year we were not allowed to have soap in our classrooms by the sink unless there were wall-mounted dispensers.  I didn't have a wall mounted dispenser.  I had to wait two months to get a wall mounted dispenser.  We were also informed that we were to not have any anti-bacterial wipes or hand gel in the room.  This, right before what was expected to be a huge swine flu epidemic.  Plus with the wipes thing?  I don't know if you have seen a classroom full of second graders but they tend to pick their nose sometimes and sometimes miss catching their sneeze.  I used to wash off their table surfaces weekly to help get rid of the germs.  So I needed les wipes to help me with this.


But this year? 


This year we have been informed that we are not allowed to have classroom rugs.  We are a completely carpet free school (minus library and school office).  During the last few years I had a rug that I purchased from the Menard's remnants.  I was proud of that rug.  It was striped and cool.  And big.  It was an awesome 12 x 12.  Plenty of room to use the Responsive Classroom morning meeting and to teach the MANDATORY small groups required by the district. 

But Ms. Fire Marshall visited our building and informed our head custodians that we cannot have rugs in our classroom unless they are seamed and have a pretty little label on them that say "flame retardant". 

I understand from where she is coming.  I want my kids to be safe.  I surely don't want them burning up. . .

But really?  If there's a fire, what do you think we would do?  Sit on the freakin' carpet and burn baby burn?  NO!  We would walk out the door in a single file manner and go to the nearest exit like we have PRACTICED AT LEAST 5 TIMES A YEAR.  And furthermore if the goal is to keep our children safe, I should probably get rid of all the books, papers, clothings, etc. that are entirely NON flame retardant so that during a fire,  when we are sitting on our flame retardant rug with its pretty little label and not walking out the nearest exit in a single file manner, we will not burn up at all.

I'm so annoyed about this.  Not because it is an unreal expectation but because our school reality does not reflect this request.  We have children who cannot afford underpants and warm clothing during the winter.  Many children - not just 1 - 2 per classroom.   So let's have their little tushes sit on the cold hard floor in the middle of winter. Totally makes sense to me.

Maybe you are thinking, "Don't sit on the floor. . . use tables and desks and chairs".  Duh.  Why didn't I think about that?  Oh, that's right!  Because our district mandates that we teach in small groups and mini-lessons that require full on butt-on-floor contact.  (Don't worry, I do have tables and chairs for seat work.)  Also, Responsive Classroom (social curriculum that uses best practices) has a main component of morning meeting which needs to be conducted in a circle at a meeting area. 

"Oh", so you say.  "Use chairs in the meeting area instead of sitting on the floor".  What a great idea!  Except most of our chairs weigh more than our first graders.  They can't even lift the chairs up to stack on top of their table at the end of the day.  So I don't think making them carry the chairs to the meeting area will work.

"Carpet squares?", you ask.  Not unless they have the prettly little label (and still cost money).

"Area carpet large enough to seat 24 students that is labeled "flame retardant" and seamed?", you say positively.  Yeah, well that is roughly 400 bucks.   I believe I make an excellent salary.  As someone who works 10 months out of the year we, in my district, are paid reasonably well.  But guess what?  I don't have 400 bucks to drop on a rug.  I could put it on my credit card but I'm still paying that down from the soap and wipes I couldn't even use last year.

I. AM. SO. MAD. ABOUT. THIS. 

And in the wise words of Megan Doerr:  "This too, shall pass".  I wish she lived in my pocket so that I could always have that positivity!!!!

Please feel free to leave your opinion re: this. 

And please excuse me while I go print up "flame retardant" labels to sew to my rug.  OOOH!  Such a rebel!

I'm going to pontificate about the amazingness of my 6 year old now

Her birthday party, March 2010.  She wanted to have her party at gymnastics because she loves it so much!

Grace has been in gymnastics for two years.  She took a tots class and she was really good.  Her first night the instructor asked how old she was because she was doing such a great job.

Fast forward to September 2009.  I got a call on a Friday afternoon from Emily at Rising Stars Gymnastics Academy where Grace was enrolled in a gymnastics class.  She said that they noticed her potential as a gymnast and were interested in getting her on their training team. We took her for a tryout and she made it onto training team 3.  In January she progressed up to training team 4. 

She has been continually getting certain skills she will need to move to level 5 which is the level at which RSGA gymnasts compete.  She is amazing!  She can do three back hand springs in a row, a couple of different kinds of passes on the floor, front hip circles, back hip circles, casts, squats to the high bar, and is currently working on her kip.  The "kip" is an extremely difficult skill to get.  She is so close and it should happen any day!

We spoke with some parents at her work out today who mentioned that she is so talented that she will probably be on level 5 in January when they do another skills assessment!  This is so exciting.  Also very scary because her monthly tuition will go up a bit.

I'm just so proud of her.  She works really hard at gymastics and looks so forward to it.  She pushes herself to attain skills and has a fun time doing it.  She has a can do attitude and is fun to watch!

I love my big girl and am so proud of her. 

Click here for the best gymnastics place in MN. 

Click here to see her official training team photo.  Scroll down to the bottom.  She is wearing the purple leotard, on the bottom right with her leg out.   Check out her 6 pack!  That photo was taken in November.  You should see her washboard abs now.

Narcissism at its finest!

Birthday hat and card courtesy of Grace Gerten

Today I celebrate my 35th birthday.  36th but we acknowledge that first one as 0, when really it's birth day 1!  I don't get that either.

I love my birthday.  Not because I can make it all about me but because it gives me a chance to reflect back on the past year and my life thus far.  Although making it about me is always been a fav of mine!

So my reflection:

I always pictured 35 as a milestone that would mark me at a different place in my life.  I don't feel sad that I'm not in that place but I sure thought I would be. 

Don't get me wrong.  I am in a great place!  I have a wonderful family, great job, fabulous children, stupendous husband, and good friends.  But wow 35!!  HOLY COW!  I can round up to 40 already. 

I thought I would have my master's degree in education by now.  And it bugs me that I still am scared to go back to school. I'm 35 for Pete's sake.  It's something that can be done. I don't know what fear is holding me back.  Is it money?  Is it committment to school? Is it fear of failure?  School was always very difficult for me both academically and socially.  To think that I would go back and fail a class makes me have major anxiety that I just want to stuff in a nice box, tape it shut, and throw it out to sea.  So if I could magically get my master's degree in education that would be great!  Accio master's degree!

One other thing I thought was that my mom would be here with me celebrating with us.  It still is weird and lame that she is gone.  Grace, Auddie girl, and I went to her grave today.  It was nice to talk to her. Both girls were sitting on my lap and we just sat and thought about Nana for awhile.

I also thought that my children would be older by this point.  I'm still in disbelief that I have  a toddler at this point.  They are the highlights of my day but I was thinking they'd be pushing 8-10ish. 

One thing I have learned in my 35 years is that there is a reason everything happens the way it does.  God has a plan for me and I just have to hitch on for the ride and trust in that.  It may not be what we might want but it's what He wants for us and that is so much more important.

But here is the CLINCHER:

What realy stinks about hitting the mid 30's is that I FINALLY figured out how wonderful lfe is.  I get it now. I understand what to celebrate, what to shun, and what is most important in the grand scheme of things.  But why oh why did it have to be in my 30's? Why don't we get that opportunity in our teens?   Life would have been so much easier and wonderful if I knew then what I know now.

Maybe that means I will live a healthy, happy life until my late 100 teens or so!  Because I feel as if I discovered the secret of life in seeing how wonderful it is.

So Happy birthday to me!  Here's to a great year with endless possibilities. 

Mwah!

PS I'll read this in my  40's and think about how I always make things all about me.  You should have seen me in my 20's.  Sheesh.

Ramblings on a Tuesday

Hey ya'll!

* Hot.  It's that.  Here.  And even though they aren't going through puberty, 2nd graders get stinky on hot days like this in a non-air-conditioned classroom.  Yesterday we had the "please wash your hair, body parts etc, and change your clothes to somewhat clean clothes before you come to school" talk.  It went fairly well considering only 1 student showed up in the same exact outfit that he wore yesterday in the 97 degree heat!  Props to my little people!

*Donny Osmond:
I have been working on an open letter to Donny Osmond that I will eventually post to my blog (it has to be muy perfecto).  I've decided that basically our paths will cross one day.  I'm not sure when or how but I eagerly anticipate our meet and greet!  I do secretly love him, ya know.

* Did you see the ridiculous fish on the left of my blog?  Yeah, somehow I have time to apply silly apps to my blog but not update.  Hmm. . . riddle me that people!

* Lost rocked.  So sad it is over.  Love that I followed that show for as long as I did and am pleased with the outcome.  Hurley rocks!

*12 more days of school with my second graders!  I can't believe how quickly it all went.  This has been an incredibly challenging year and I'm thrilled and depressed that it's all over in such a short time.  There's an uncanny problem that the students that give you the hardest problems are the ones that you will miss the most.  After this year, I'm going to be crying daily!

*Next year I will be moving onto 1st grade and then looping with them onto 2nd grade.  WHAT.  THE.  HECK.  WAS.  I. THINKING.  when I made that choice??  It should be an interesting two years.  The might not be able to read after second grade but they sure will know how to behave!

*My principal is retiring this year.  I'm horribly sad about this as she has been someone whom I trust, care for and admire. She's been at our school for MANY MANY years and now is the time for her to move to her next phase in life.  She is an amazing woman. . .she is an artist that has sold her work, a horsewoman, skier, and has been featured in The Star Tribune for the beautiful garden she and her husband made in their yard.  She loves dogs and always has made a theme based on her worldly travels for opening week of the school year.  We've had ostrich  themes, American themes, dog themes, planting and sowing seeds themes and so on.

She has always planned the most amazing staff appreciation luncheons and given us the coolest gifts.  She attends meetings and has great things to say.  She tells great stories and is always ready to lend an ear to any problem I have.  She has no children but has the unbelievable ability to understand what it's like to have children and be a teacher. 
I would say more but I think you get the drift!
___________________________________________________________________________________

To end this post, here are some photos from the sprinkler that Bubba, Gracie and neighbors Max and James ran through on Sunday.

Es todo por ahora.  See you later!

This is Bubba playing. She did this.

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asdfsdfadasdfasdfaddddddddddddadfasddddddddddddddddddddddddddddhere we go

HRH, Princess Grace Elizabeth Gerten

My sweet first baby is now a 6 year old.  A SIX YEAR OLD?  When did that happen? 

HRH had three birthday celebrations to ring in this newest year.

Her first celebration was shared with her cousin Andrew who also had a March birthday. 

Grace and Andrew opening presents.

Grace likey likey.

Auddie likey likey G's present.

REALLY likey likey.

This was a really special present because it was from Nana.  She had bought it before she died and my dad found it right in time for G's birthday!

The neighborhood kids playing LARP and singing happy birthday to Grace.

Andrew's yummy pie.

Gracie's cake.

The cousins.

From left Megan, Troy, G, Brady, Lenny (uncle), Bubba, and Andrew (already in the pie - thatta boy!)

Megan and G playing LARP.

More LARP.

That was just one celebration! 

Next post: Celebration #'s 2 and 3.

Love you Grace Elizabeth Gerten.  You are my favorite 6 year old.

Thank you for making me a mom!

Bubba in nature

I walked through nature and icky stuff to get these pictures of Auddie girl.  Enjoy!

Yes, she is a girl!  I realized afterward that she totally has boy clothes on .