4 years

Dear Mom,
It's been 4 years since you died.  We still think about you all the time.  Gracie and I talked about you the other day.  She was asking me questions about you that brought back great memories.

We talked about the day she was born and when you got to first see her.  You and Terry were pushing each other into the room to see if it was a boy or a girl.  I remember your face when you held her for the first time.  You were like a goofy lady seeing the most precious thing for the first time ever!  Grace held your gaze steady for awhile and you were forever slave to her and whatever her needs were. 

On her 4 week old birthday, you and Pop Pop called to sing her happy birthday.  And although I was still struggling with nasty post-partum depression, that brought a little smile to my face.

One time you were driving with her and you were speeding and got pulled over.  You used her as your excuse!!  I'm just a grandma!  The cop didn't even give you a ticket.

You wallpapered her room without our help.  You just went ahead and did it all by yourself.   You only wanted perfect for Grace.

The awesome baby shower you held for me.  That was fun!  Stacey made us all write cards to Grace so that she could open them on each consecutive birthday.  I don't know what birthday year you are but we haven't opened yours yet in the first six years.  I'm sure when we do get to your year it will be a bitter sweet moment.

So many more memories that were horribly cut short by the brain bleed.   I can think there's only a reason you are already in Heaven waiting for us and we're still down here without you.  We will be honoring you at the 4th annual Fondue dinner in memorium of Audrey Gerlach, next Saturday.  We will be doing a lot of thinking about you that day.   .   .  sadly I don't think it will make up for the amount of time we don't think of you now that life has gotten back to normal since you died.


I love you mom.  I miss you.  Some days it feels like my stomach is twisting into a little ball and I can't catch my breath when I think about not being able to talk to you or see you again.   We will never stop thinking about you  and your wonderful, quirky being.

Love,
Lori