I've been in this weird place for about 6 weeks now. It's not an altogether horrible place where no fun can be had and everything is always crappy. But it's a place like an amusement park visit when you were younger. It's so much fun, you are so exicted to go but when you get there it's always sweaty freaking hot and the lines are so long you only get to go on about 8 rides the whole day. Not to mention that your inner thighs have major chafing because you went on the water ride and now are soaking wet walking through the park. Maybe that was just me. I have always had bigger thighs.
Anywho: I still deep down love life and am enjoying all the good parts but I'm just so annoyed with the things that are going on in my job. I feel so out of control with certain students that I have and the new curriculum that they threw at us for reading, phonics, oral language, and guided reading. Plus the amount of assessment that we had to do the first month or so of school has made me batty. Between PALS, and Words Their Way, Math, and Mondo assessing (which unforunately was double dipping the kids because we assessed them on the same things TWO times), I have not been able to teach much. We have conference prep day in a week and I have to write report cards for my students and I feel as if I haven't done any teaching. I certainly don't want to write their report cards based on their assessments from September but seriously, what the heck else can I assess them on??????
I won't go into the certain students that I feel out of control with. That would just not be fair to them and unethical but I would like to talk about things that are broken.
Like our education system. Seriously????? Really????? We are stuck in a system based on the 1800's. Yeah it makes so much sense that the kids get summers off still because I know they have to go and harvest all the crops in August. Growin' and plantin' season is over so let's make sure that these especially needy inner city kids have a summer off to go gather the life sustaining crops their families will need to get them through the long, cold Minnesota winter. It deesn't make sense but yet we stick to it.
Now I'm not saying I would be thrilled to teach school year round (no air conditioning at Frost Lake), and I'm not saying that I wouldn't be thrilled to teach year round school. I'm just expressing the ridiculousness of how we need our system to change and yet we are still stuck in a system based on a long time ago. That frustrates me to no end.
Although I won't go too deeply into my students I will say that there are two who require almost all of my individual attention throughout the day for various reasons. They are on their way to getting some other kinds of help in the school, but they are draining my time (and energy) of servicing and educating the entire rest of the class. How is that fair to those other children? I won't say anymore.
I feel so ineffective this year. I think about all that I could be doing with my students but feel like things are set up so that I am unable to maximize their learning potential. That bugs the carp out of me. I also feel (even after ten years) ill-prepared to conference with parents. We don't really get any training on it but yet we are still supposed to convey messages to parents that they might not want to hear and do it properly. That is such a crime that there is not training or in services to help new and old teachers deal with this. Most teachers do get it during their student teaching, but mine was such that we had goal setting conferences in August, not 'how your kid is doing' conferences in November. And even though student teachers might be introduced to it during their student teaching, they may not get a cross section of experiences for each child with whom they will deal the rest of their career.
Also, something that needs to be fixed (but not necessarily with comp. pay) is the tenure system. If a teacher sucks, they should be fired. Period. Not shuffled around to another school in the district year after year after year. And contrary to popular belief a teacher does not necessarily suck if their children do not do well on the standardized tests. That is not a great measure. There are many people who are paid to sit and discuss better ways in which to pay a teacher. Please (those people) find one that doesn't include a system of inept teachers who are unable to teach and reach their children. Please (those people) let this system not include standardized testing as the measure because it is not a correct evaluation with all the factors that go into that equation.
I'm hesitant about posting this post. It is so not normal of me to post my opine on the internet but I'm just so jaded right now.
Negative Nelly is signing off.
