Dwelling

Hi.  Right now I'm dwelling.  I'm dwelling on my mom's passing and sitting here thinking about how life isn't fair.  My mom got dealt a crappy hand of cards.  She wouldn't have even been able to pull off two of a kind and World Poker is out of the question.

I was talking with my dad tonight and expressing with him how she got dealt such a bad hand and how life wasn't fair for her from the time she was born.  I then asked God, "What's the point?  Why did you bring someone into this life to struggle frequently?  What is her legacy?" 

Then I thought, "WE are her legacy.  Her children (who albeit were somewhat whacked due to being Army brats) are her legacy.  Somehow we all turned out ok due to her ways in raising us.  Her marriage to my dad for 38 years is her legacy.  Her hard working philosophy is her legacy.  Her ability to survive what she dealt with growing up and coming out relatively unscathed is her legacy.  Her being an Army wife is her legacy.

The list went on and on from there and put the loss of my mom into (a little) more perspective.  Don't get me wrong - I'd love to have one more converstaion with her about life but it makes this grieving process just a wee bit easier knowing that she has managed so many good things.

Below is a copy of her eulogy that my brother Rob wrote for her funeral.  I haven't read this or seen it since her funeral three years ago and I don't want to read it now because  I don't want to cry.  But I want it here so it's available for me in time.




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Mom’s Eulogy




Thank you all for joining my family to commemorate the life of my mom. You may have known her as a wife, mother, sister, relative, friend, colleague or simply, as Nana. Regardless of the relationship, mom touched all of our hearts in one way or another.



Mom was born and raised in St. Cloud but moved around quite a bit as a child. Mom met dad in 1967 and they were married in 1969. During their 37 years of marriage, they raised 3 children, Stacey, Lori and myself. Mom spent much of her career caring for other people. She worked as a nurse in the Emergency Unit at Saint Joe’s hospital and later went on to work in Hospice at Lake Ridge Nursing Home where she gave much of herself to help those who were suffering. Mom eventually left nursing and moved into Sales and Advertising and soon after built a respectable advertising business. It was a profitable enterprise and she took great pride in the quality of her product. Mom, with her affable personality, was exceptional at sales and enjoyed working with her clients. She never sacrificed the quality of her magazine or the service she provided for her clients. On the day she was taken to the hospital, even after suffering a severe stroke, she attempted several times to unhook the IVs connected to her so she could get out of bed to go home and start this quarter’s magazine. Her clients were depending on her and she wasn’t going to let them down. With some extra coaxing, she finally settled down but then proclaimed, “Well…, this is a fine kettle of fish.” We had never heard her say these words but she would utter them a couple more times while in the hospital, as she was aware of her circumstances and knew they weren’t good. We later learned this was something her father often said.



Family was the greatest source of joy in mom’s life. She was so proud of all of us. While growing up, mom was active in many of our activities such as CCD, Brownies, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, Sports and more, sacrificing much of her own time to support her kids. We could always lean on her when things were tough and some times they were. Dad was a career army officer so we were constantly on the move. It was difficult moving around often as kids and she knew that it took a toll on us. She was the glue that held our family together during these trying times. She was our protector. She was our rock. Mom could pack up a house, travel with 3 kids on her own, sign the papers on a new house and move us in. And she did this countless times. Perhaps her childhood made her strong enough to deal with the emotional and logistical challenges of frequent moves from base to base, town to town and country to country. She certainly was a pro.



I have so many great memories of my mom, too many memories to recount here. In addition to my own memories, though, I know mom loved daily Yahtzee games with dad, playing Pinochle with Uncle Bill and Bridge with Auntie Marg and Uncle Jim, her perennial trip to the State Fair with Auntie Bobbie, going to church with Auntie Rose and, of course, attending our large family gatherings throughout the year. It is difficult to imagine how much her loss will impact these traditions.



Mom was such a selfless and generous person. She had a huge heart and was a gracious host. Not many weekends passed without an impromptu dinner invite to mom and dad’s house. Any excuse to get the whole family together was good enough for mom. Dad usually grilled steaks and mom took care of the rest. Then it was usually game time or playtime with the grand kids. It gives me great joy knowing how happy those times together made her.



I was fortunate enough to have called mom the night before she was rushed to the hospital. It was the last real conversation I would ever have with her. We talked about our recent trip to Rhode Island - she was concerned because we were flying again with our little one but was relieved when she found we had all returned home safely. We went on to talk about our family and how important we all were to her, especially her 2 beautiful grandchildren. She said she was so proud of us all and that she could not be happier.



We were all by mom’s side when she took her last breath in the early morning hours of January 17th. We were there for her, to comfort her, just as she had been there for us through the many years. While I know that God has a plan for each and everyone of us, I can’t help feel she was taken from us too early. She was too young. In the end, though, mom truly was happy to have nurtured such a close and loving family. And all of us who loved her so dearly can take true comfort in this. I know I do.



We love you mom and will miss you terribly.

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Grab your mom if she is still here with you.  Give her a hug.  Tell her you love her and thank her for all the hard work and sacrifices (you may or may not know about) that she has made for you.